Today was Luna Belle’s last day. I’ve lost my best friend today too. She fought and tried so hard to be strong. Sadly, her little body just shut down and she was ready to cross the Rainbow Bridge. The twinkle in her eye, the way she greeted me when I came home, the way she licked my hair when she missed me, even the way she smelled…I’ve got so many great memories of her being so happy.
Last night, it’s like everyone in the house knew what was happening; both her brother and sister were gentler towards her, even letting her have the last of the tuna. I asked Luna if we could cuddle a bit more because it was our last night together and she was so content just sitting on my lap, purring while we watched movies together. Then this morning, her siblings were licking her, giving her a final “bath”. There is something so precious about seeing all the kids getting along and playing nicely together.
I chose to have her ashes buried at a special memorial garden just for animals who have passed on. I love the idea of being able to honour her memory and I’ve got visions of planting flowers in the garden for her.
Because the amazing people at Baxter Animal Hospital have gotten to know Luna quite well over the last few months, there were plenty of tears shed and lots of hugs between me and the staff and Tim, the incredible vet at Baxter. His final words to her were “Bless your soul, sweet Angel. Find peace.”
This experience has left me in a ball of goo; fuzzy, cold emotions, blurred lines between what I feel and what society SAYS I should feel…I find myself replaying over and over my last conversation with my little girl. And her brother and sister are obviously grieving too. She was much more than just an animal to me, she was a living, breathing, furry creature who offered as much unconditional love as she knew how to, which was truly immeasurable. I literally told her everything, and she just sat there and purred or meowed in either approval or disapproval. She slept with me under the covers, curled up in a little ball, scooched in as close to my body as possible. And heaven forbid I go to the washroom without her! Doors are very rarely closed in my house.
Luna was diagnosed with Renal Failure about 8 months ago, but I suspect she’d been suffering in silence for some time. When I took her to the vet over 2 years ago because of her vomiting, they’d suggested that it was because of her food sensitivities and that putting her on “easily digestible” food should help. And it did, for a while. But when I noticed she was eating and drinking A LOT, I took her back to get bloodwork and tests done. That’s when we figured out what was causing it. She was so tiny, not able to keep any weight on. In the end, this 11-year-old girl only weighed just under 3 pounds.
Now that I’m home, I alternate between feelings of numbness and overwhelming emptiness. I know it’s normal to think I’m seeing her out of the corner of my eye (and perhaps I am?), but part of me still longs to see her coming running from around the corner to see what I’m doing. I still have that final image of her lying in luxurious blankets, the life gently leaving her frail body, looking so peaceful. Her eyes still open, staring out, almost searching . Thankfully, I was warned ahead of time that her eyes wouldn’t close naturally. I’ve chosen to keep her blankets and pillows unwashed for a while to allow her brother and sister to grieve.
For her burial site, I’ve chosen to plant Tiger Lilies. She was the Tigress of the house so I figured it was appropriate. And I love the soft femininity of the lily, which also reflects Luna’s personality.
So now, I honour her memory and learn to adjust to life without her presence, her spark in my life. I will likely get a kitten, when I’m ready. Until then, I now have a family of 2.
~Andrea
PS – How did you cope with the loss of your pet? I’d love to hear your stories! I may choose to share some as well 🙂
Here’s me singing my precious Luna Belle to sleep:
And here’s my plea for help:
Empowering Yourself Toward Freedom 